The Evacuation

I really don’t feel like writing an entry today. but something happened that is at least worth noting briefly, so I will begin with that.

I was on my decaying scooter by the pond in Central Park eating saltine crackers I had ordered from Fresh Direct. They were very fresh. Salty and crispy. Plus the sparrows gathered around my scooter and enjoyed the crumbs I brushed off my lap.

And they were making a commercial, for Warbly glasses, with hundreds of extras wearing glasses and lots of balloons.

I never actually saw the camera, but there was someone under a big black drape and flashes every once in a while so I figured it might be for a billboard.

After about 15 minutes of wondering what the shoot was about and finding out, I turned the Bond Mobile around and headed back to the castle. Just in time to be stopped by the recreational therapist who told me I couldn’t go back, they were having a “gas emergency evacuation.”

I asked if it was a real one or a drill and she whispered, “don’t tell anyone. It’s just a drill.”

And the destination for these hundred or so people with various forms of dementia was Cardinal Terrance Cooke, which was two blocks away.

I’m lucky this rehab place didn’t cause flashbacks, but it didn’t.

There are three elevators in The Castle.

13 floors of residents.

90% have rollaters or walkers.

I had always wondered, how long an evacuation would take, even if the elevators were working. And if they were out?

But that explained why two of the three elevators were out of service yesterday: they were being readied and checked out for today.

Well everyone agreed the elevators were the big hold-up, but somehow (how long it took I don’t know) they evacuated us to the auditorium at Shawshank. I remembered have a delicious turkey dinner there on Thanksgiving. And being surprised that the same company that served us slop 7 days a week for months could create such delicious and delicate cream of celery soup.

My evacuation invention is this and don’t laugh. Use slides like they do to evacuate airplanes. I know, you are picturing the old people crashing into each other going around the curve between each flight.

No, each curve, possibly each slide is a water slide with powerful sprays of water sliding the people along at a steady pace. There are still some details to work out about the spacing and the curves.

But I know you are still picturing collisions and horrible injuries as they smash into walls and each other. Legs will be twisted and it will be worse than dying of smoke inhalation.

But don’t worry. I have figured out an invention to protect the ancient water sliders: capsules. No not pills, tho that might help. Not a shot of shnaps before getting on the slide, but actual capsules that they lie down in.

They look like those capsules in the Alien movies or 2001 where beings are entombed for the long voyage to distant places. These capsules are much cheaper, and have air-holes, or the deluxe model has oxygen pumped in, and of course they’re all covered by Medicaid.

Of course I know there’s a problem with this scenario, namely where is all the power coming from to roll out the slides and pump the water. Well, to be perfectly honest, I haven’t solved that part yet, but I’ve written to Mr. Musk, and am awaiting a response.

I suppose you have a better way. If so, please let me know. Perhaps I can include it in my evacuation invention.

Oh, and the ironic thing, I almost forgot to tell you, there actually was a Hazmat incident on 5th Avenue in this neighborhood about two hours earlier. And I was sitting on the scooter in the sun, following this one patch of sunlight, and I was stopped by police who had closed off a block because of the Hazmat alert.

In other news, I’ve stopped waiting for my OT person to try and guide me through getting a more up-to-date scooter or wheelchair, and called Mt. Sinai rehab, and was put in touch with a specialist in what they call mobility something or other and I have an appointment next Weds.

If they accept me, and I can’t see a reason why they won’t, I’ll end up at the Mt. Sinai Rehab Mobility Center where I can try various chairs / scooters, and eventually they’ll do the paperwork and submissions to Medicaid.

Okay. I think that’s it for today. Have a blessed night as my Shawshank roommate used to say.

Published by Dave

My name is David Beckerman. I am a fine art photographer working in New York City. Or I was before I had two strokes. I now write from a Nursing Home.

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