You know, the older I get, the less I know. That doesn’t seem fair somehow. I should have accumulated much more knowledge by this point. I was doing the dishes this morning, and began to make a list in my head of the subjects that I know little or nothing about.
I had an opening line, which ran something like: three score and eight years ag0, I was born. But it didn’t quite have the ring of that solemn address and I realized very quickly that I didn’t even know whether three score should be one word or two.
I googled it and found out that Abe wrote it as one word. Fourscore and etc. And autocorrect let the one word alone. So right from the get go I was in trouble. I didn’t know very much about grammer. In fact I couldn’t even spell grammer.
So there was number one: I couldn’t spell worth a damn.
That didn’t bother me much because if you go back to the early writers, you’ll find that they spelt something awful.
So I decided to leeve spelling off the list as something of little import.
But then some major subjects raised their heads. Things that everyone should know about. Such as 3-card Monte.
I of course knew that there were three cards involved. And I knew that there was usually a shill around to help get people over and to show that it was possible to win.
But who the hell was Monte?
And how did he feel about having the most famous scam in the world named after him?
It’s easy enuf to Google (btw do you know what google means? I looked it up once.) But all I could think of on my own was some old French guy sitting in some 18th century jail, chained to the wall, and eating crusts of bread.
There are also French sandwiches called Montes. At least I think there are.
Which brought me to Crisco – which was what we called the Count as kids – The Count of Monte Crisco – which in the states is an ingrediant used to fry stuff and to bake stuff.
And that got me onto something really important that I know absolutely nothing about. Baking.
I know more about quantum physics than I know about baking.
So I’m going to put that down as the number ONE thing that I know nothing about that is worth knowing.
Note to self: learn how to bake pastry.