The Story

Is that I have tons of woes but something weird happened after the first two strokes. I got happy.

Then I found out that I had a disease that had been eating away at the insulation of my nerves.

It’s called demylinaton.

So after tons and tons of OT and PT all my improvements were for nothing.

After beinin an assisted living place I found that I could no onger walk,.

I had, and still have  motorized chair, but I’m not allowed to use it here in the Riverside nursing home.

So I’m dependent as I’ve ever been and all I do is laugh.

Could be a dangerous sign.

When they did a spinal tap and hit the nerve that controls the genitals I saw stars and yelled Bingo, you craz bastards. You hit the motherload.

I got a sorr for that.

When the brought me to the Pain Room and stuck me with electric  needles to measure how long it took for the current to move from one muscle to another I told them that if they did that one more time I was getting off the bed and slapping the two sadist in the face.

They burst out laughing.

Firstly, I couldn’t stand if I wanted to.

Also, I had begun laughing as the prefaced each shock with the word discomfort.

I told them of the medical glossary of euphemisms I was compiling.

I’m still working on it.

Discovered a treasure trove of them in the nursing home.

Ex. If a CNA says she’ll be back in a minute it means you will never see her again. No matter how long you wait, she will not return.

If a PT says we are going to do ten of anything, it means he or she will ask you to do one more or that they will count badl and get you to do two more.

PT stands for Pain Train.

If you are lucky, you won’t die of a clerical error. More on that later. The nurse just brought in my meds.

Onl three hours late.